1. NEVER FORGET WHAT A NIGHTMARE THIS DAY IS FOR SOMEBODY…
It’s sickening to see how some preachers will show up at a funeral cracking jokes and being goofy, within earshot and eyesight of a grieving family whose child, spouse, or parent has died unexpectedly (funeral staff are notoriously terrible about this). Scriptures tell us to “weep with them that weep”. It doesn’t mean you can’t laugh or even joke at a funeral when it’s appropriate, but it does mean that there should be a solemness that defines you from the moment you step out of your vehicle to the moment you get back into it. Somebody on that property is experiencing an unimaginable hell, be respectful of this.
2. REMEMBER WHO THE “SHOW” IS FOR…
Funerals are for the living, particularly the family and close friends. Their purpose is to honor two individuals, The Lord, and the deceased. It’s not the place to remember your grandmother or see the event as your time to shine — it’s to bring glory to God and showcase the best parts of the life that is gone.
3. SEE THIS EVENT AS A GREAT HONOR…
You are the person this family and God in His infinite power worked out to be the last individual to speak publicly about this person. Whether you were close to the person or not, you have been selected to speak about them last and provide comfort to their family. Don’t take this lightly. If you ever get to the place where you’ve done so many funerals that you no longer see it as an honor and no longer put the time and effort into ensuring the event is right, it’s unquestionably time for you to back off on doing funerals… I’ve watched pastors do funerals who have become calloused to them and it’s a very dishonoring sight.
4. BE INFORMED & BE HONEST…
If you didn’t know the person, don’t act like you did. Don’t make up stuff that didn’t happen. Be real. But also, be informed. If you’ve been selected to speak about this person, research them, and talk to someone around them. Listen. A little knowledge about the person can go a long way in bringing comfort to their family and honor to the memorial service.
5. FUNERALS AREN’T THE TIME FOR DEEP THEOLOGICAL DISCUSSIONS & STUDIES…
If you do funerals long enough, you’ll no doubt do one with someone you disagree with theologically. No doubt you’ll also have people in the audience who are of a different theological doctrine than you. Solomon said there is a season and a time for everything and when it comes to funerals, this is seldom ever the time to call out false doctrine or to take on other denominations.
6. SIMPLICITY & BREVITY ALWAYS WIN AT FUNERALS…
Keep the messages short and sweet. Say things that are uplifting to the family, tell them about Jesus, and honor the life that was… then get out of the way. It’s far better to sit down at the funeral with the audience wishing you’d still be talking than to still be talking and have the audience wishing you’d sit down.
7. SEE FUNERALS AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO MINISTER…
Our title as pastors is “minister” and a minister is simply a “servant”. Ministers are generally selected to lead funerals because if there was ever a time a family needed ministering it would be during this time. Funerals are a perfect opportunity to showcase the love of God to people who are hurting. If you’re only going to talk about the love of God during your message, but fail to serve a hurting family before and after the message, you’re really not doing ministry, you’re performing.
8. BE HUMBLE…
If you’re performing the funeral with someone else, give them the seat of honor. Give them the position of honor in the service. Again, funerals are not an opportunity to make a name for yourself or to feel important, they’re the time to minister to hurting families.
9. DON’T GET CAUGHT UP IN FAMILY DRAMA…
“Aunt Kelly is evil and we don’t like her, and Dave is only here for the money…” Funerals are highly charged emotional times on family and they bring out all kinds of characters. You’re God’s representative and though we should never sit back and allow an innocent person to be victimized, we should also be above the petty family drama of strangers. We’re there to minister.