- Tolerating Disrespect and Disobedience
It’s astonishing how many parents are bullied by someone barely 3 ft tall and weighing less than 50 lbs. You will never know peace if your children feel like they can scream at and make demands of you. Kids screaming at their parents is largely a Western cultural phenomenon that has only recently developed, and Caucasian American families are the laughing stock of the world because they allow themselves to be disrespected by their kids. Under no circumstances should any parent ever allow their child to make a demand of them. “No,” “be quiet,” “let’s stay,” “let’s go,” raised voices, displays of anger and dissatisfaction, etc., are all things I see from kids daily, and it’s absurd how parents sit back and allow themselves to be so disrespected.
The first time you let this slide, you’re inviting and encouraging it to happen again, and each time the boundaries will be pushed even further. What you tolerate will become your hell. - Provoking Your Child
Just as allowing your child to have free rein to disrespect you will make for an unhappy home, so too will having the opposite approach: provoking your child. The Apostle Paul even warns parents not to provoke their children, warning that it will encourage them to wrath.
At the end of the day, kids are going to be kids, and when they accidentally spill something, fail to sit perfectly straight, or make a simple and honest mistake, we must be very careful not to scream, lash out, or handle the situation in a manner that leaves them feeling worthless. I’ve watched countless times as parents approached a child who was doing nothing wrong and, through their words and actions, turned a child who was behaving well into an angry and irritated person. Parents provoking their kids will have lasting and detrimental effects. - Having a “Golden Child” and a “Scapegoat”
One child, typically the oldest or the youngest, is the golden child. “I know they’re rotten, but they’re perfect! Yes, they took a butcher knife to my car tire last week, but that was funny and cute. Besides, their five-year-old brother should’ve stopped them. But I dealt with that problem and yelled at their brother for not guiding them better.”
Meanwhile, the poor sibling can do no right. They’re a challenge and an irritation.
Sadly, most people who fall into this trap are so blind that they don’t even realize they’re doing this. - Being Inconsistent and Unpredictable as a Parent
I cursed my father and smacked my mother this morning, and they sighed and said, “stop doing that.” Then, this afternoon, I forgot to put my shoes away, and they beat me. This evening I’ll throw a rock through the window, and they’ll laugh and take pictures, but tonight when I don’t go to bed on time, they’ll scream and scare me to death.
Sound familiar? This is the way the vast majority of homes are run, and it’s because parents don’t discipline from the position of principle but rather are like tanks without a pressure switch and store it all up until they explode. Child discipline is not something to do out of anger but rather from a consistent and solid place. It should be textbook, void of emotion.
You should be the most predictable person in your child’s life. They should know that your love is real, available, and unconditional, and you will be their soft place to land, always. Conversely, they should be well aware that certain actions on their part will elicit very predictable and painful consequences should they go that route.
It’s hard to respect people who are inconsistent, and today’s parents are just that, and kids unsurprisingly don’t respect them. - Not Prioritizing Your Child
Your family income is $150,000+ now. Congratulations! But at what price does this new lifestyle come? Moving them from the school where they’re being bullied daily and hinting at suicide would be too costly; I’m sure they’ll be fine. Yes, they want to share with you details of their life, but you’ve been waiting all week for the ballgame!
If you’re a mother, your child matters more than your career… If you’re a father, your child matters more than your career… There is no greater calling in life than to raise children.
Yes, our children matter more than our careers, but they also matter more than our cell phones. - Not Making Disobedience too Costly to the Child
Children are intelligent, and as early as one year old, they begin comprehending right and wrong and consequences for actions. By the time they’re five, they’re well aware of this. Like most of us, kids will pay the price for what they want to do so long as the price isn’t too high. The key to discipline is making the price for disobedience so high (and advertising that price and consistently charging that price) that the child sees the cost and determines it’s too pricey.
This can’t be done in a day but rather over a long time of consistent parenting. - Blaming Acronyms and Random Letters for Bad Behavior
“I’m sorry my six-year-old smacked your daughter and then kicked her in the leg; he has ADHD…”
“My ten-year-old can’t sing in the Christmas play because she has PTSD.”
Yes, PTSD is a real disorder, but it’s so overused by people who are clueless as to what it really is that it’s disgraceful to the soldiers and abused mothers who actually have it.
Having been diagnosed by a fifth-grade teacher with ADHD and served as a teacher myself, I’m very familiar with this — it’s become a joke.
Too many parents use random letters as an excuse for their poor and inconsistent parenting. - Not Challenging the Child
“Oh, baby, does the noise make you nervous? …Okay, we’ll give you these headphones to wear around for the rest of your life…”
“Do big crowds trigger your anxiety? …That’s fine, we won’t ever go back to church or concerts or ballgames. We’ll just live in this little bubble for the rest of our lives.”
Kids are typically scared of everything. It’s our job as parents to push them to go out and conquer their fears, not be controlled by their fears.
You’re not doing your child any favors by filling their vocabulary with words like “anxiety,” “triggers,” and the acronyms we covered above. You’re creating a perpetual victim, and victims live at the mercy of those around them. Raise strong women and men, not victims. - Giving Cell Phones to Your Children
You’re 12? Okay, plenty old enough to handle full access to all the creeps, kidnappers, pornography, and Internet trolls alive! - Getting Too Involved With Extra-Curriculars
“Travel ball season starts next week and we won’t have time for much of anything else — with daily practices every evening and three weekend trips each month our lives are going to revolve around the ballfield. Once this over, we’ll have AAU basketball, then dance competitions, and let’s not forget about piano lessons and fundraisers…”
So many of today’s kids are ridiculously over-involved. Baseball pitchers are wearing out their rotator cuffs before graduating high school and an entire generation is coming to age thinking that prioritizing ball teams over their church families is a virtue — “We would come to Bible study but we joined a team and we want to be faithful to our engagements…”
Meanwhile, our families are in a constant state of near collapse. Extra-curricular activities is absolutely important and there are no doubt many great lessons to be garnered from them, but as a culture, we’ve long passed this and have reached a place where our kids are missing out, in the name of us not wanting them to miss out.
